Relationship Tools & Mindset

Do you enjoy a good glass of wine now and again? We certainly do. Not as much as we once did, but we still imbibe from time to time. One of the satisfactions of wine and the reason it holds such an ‘intoxicating’ presence is its ritual. Part of that ritual is the opening of the bottle, followed by the so-called five ‘S-s’: See, Sniff, Swirl, Sip, and Savor.

There’s an array of tools available to help us make this ritual not only memorable, but to increase the satisfaction, even if it has no effect on the last S, the Savor part. We found that those tools can also be incorporated into our favorite personal relationship ‘tool’, our SHMILYs. Let’s see how those five S words can be tools to interest your mate as wine once did, even if you’re still intoxicated with each other.

If a young wine has a far superior finish than its taste on the palate, it probably needs a bit of aeration or even a little more time in the cellar.

Based on the quote above from The Wine Enthusiast, and extending the metaphor to long-term relationships, the older the couple the better the opportunity to savor each other. We might say age provides us more opportunity to enjoy the fruits of our time together. Let’s go through the five S words:

Starting with See, make an effort to truly See each other again. Instead of that first exhilarating encounter years ago, the love-at-first-sight experience, look at each other as you truly are, and instead of saying ‘warts & all,’ use the empowering words ‘wisdom and all.’

As for Sniff, this isn’t the smell variety, but the aroma part, and this is where mindset applies. Mindset permits our brains to do their energy magic, the subliminal messaging that’s grown stronger and better over the years you’ve been together.

Swirl is self-explanatory. Close your eyes, envision the amazing swirl of activity and experience you’ve enjoyed through years of interactions. Has it all been enjoyable, satisfying, fun, engaging? Of course not. But that swirl of activity has brought you where you are, and that brings a lot of value with it.

Sip means a tiny taste, so take it literally. Take another sip of the magical sense you first had with each other, the instant possibilities your mind conjured at that first small glance, the minor head turn, and the first thrilling eye contact that got the chemistry bubbling.

To Savor is a verb that’s seldom used, and that’s a shame. Especially if you count yourselves among the wiser set, you know likely better than most what Savor means. It comes from Latin Sabor, to taste, and if you’ve ‘tasted’ each other for many years, that ancient thrill is still in your hearts, if not on your tongues.

Thanks for reading Byron & Mariah’s Substack! Subscribe today to receive new posts on a regular basis. We focus on couples and relationships, particularly those in which one member is Neurodivergent. Thank you for reading.


What are you doing today (November 22nd) at noon Eastern in the U.S? Come join us for our webinar titled Thoughts Become Things. We’re going to teach mindset matters you never considered. This webinar will be the best 45 minutes you’ll invest in yourself for a long time. Come join us, you’ll be glad you did!

Come prepared to take notes. Most of this information will seem new, strange, and provocative. As mindset coaches, we see and hear all kinds of reactions, and responses. This webinar will change your mind about a lot of things. You may want to tell a friend as well. And if you want more, like most people we interact with do, plan to attend an event presented by our mentor, Kim Calvert. 

Register here for access to the Zoom link: 

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